Career Mistake #1: Not investing in your network
#managing_yourself I thought I was thoughtful, but instead I just appeared opportunistic
Administrative note: This essay is the first in a series of essays that discuss career mistakes I’ve made in the hope that you will avoid them. Enjoy.
Your network is a bit like the fire extinguisher in your kitchen; most of the time you aren’t thinking much about it, but if you ever have a kitchen fire you’ll be grateful that it works. However, unlike a kitchen fire extinguisher, your network doesn’t have anywhere near the reliability that a fire extinguisher does. You may find yourself one day in need of help, but some people don’t respond to you.
Over the years I’ve met people I wanted to learn more from and people who I looked up to, only to reach out to them and be ignored. It’s easy to place the blame on the other party or make up stories in your head as to why you were ignored, but I’ve come to realize that more often than not I was ignored simply because I did not keep in touch.
In my defense, I thought I was being thoughtful. The story I would tell myself is that people are so busy that they shouldn’t be bothered unless I had something important to engage them with. However, what I didn’t understand is that when you only engage your network when such a moment arises or when you need help, you appear opportunistic and insincere.
Embarrassingly, it took me almost 20 years to fully understand this. As I’ve grown into my career over the years, I’ve occasionally wondered what happened to the person I spent so much time helping at some point, only to hear from them some years later when they have another problem, but we have to spend 30 minutes catching up first. Despite my fondness for these individuals, it’s been challenging building a connection as the touch points are too infrequent. I gradually came to realize that I was making the same mistake. On the other hand, I’ve experienced great joy staying in touch with some people over the years. It makes me happy that maybe I had some small part in their success.
This year I’ve made a concerted effort to reach out to people I respect and admire. It’s been fun reconnecting with mentors and old friends, but it’s also been illuminating just how many have ignored me. I happen to have a good reason to reach out to my network currently, since I am looking for my next opportunity, but even in cases where I know the individual probably can’t help me, I’ve made it a point to both share things about my life that they may have an interest in and also engage with them on a personal level about their lives.
Taking a concerted approach to nurture your network does occasionally weed out connections that are probably not worth maintaining. I once spent quite a bit of time with an investor. When our business concluded he made it a point to emphasize the many ways we could keep in touch. Weeks later I contacted them, and contacted them again and was summarily ignored. I was glad to learn this up front, because in moments like these it says more about the individual than about me.
There’s really no downside in reaching out to people you want to spend more time with, and if they are people worth spending time with, they will want to spend the time with you, too.